I can never truly express the deepest darkest desires. The unspoken feelings, the jumbled thoughts…
But believe me when I say,
Read me through the well-written words. See through the whole-hearted crafted arts. Listen to the carefully curated music.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just see, observe.
Understand the small details.
You’ll see right through me. Right through the beautiful lies.
Before I drift off I want to be brave. I want to found myself again. I want to feel as if my mind and body are completely mine. I want to be in control of what’s been going on in my unconsciousness. I want to feel like I belong. I want to love and be loved. I want to feel like myself again. I want to experience all those mundane feelings.
But most importantly,
I want to be found.
I keep thinking about who I am as a person. Who I should be, who I wanted to be, who I really am. Yet I never really got an answer to these troubling questions.
I mean, I’m supposed to be more than who I’ve been. I guess I live to disappoint. Right?
But then, my mind somehow always has an answer to the questions of who I’m not. I’m not beautiful, I’m not smart, I’m not interesting, I’m not funny, I’m not likable, I’m not sweet, I’m not talented, I’m not carefree, I’m not wise, I’m not rich, I’m not amusing, I’m not special, I’m not loved, I’m not happy, I’m not enough.
The list is endless.
I guess it’s easier to know who we’re not than to know who we are. No?